choke on that causality

There should be a word for that thing that happens when you are talking to someone, and your brain kinda disconnects from your mouth…so you’re still speaking but you don’t really know what you’re saying….but you still keep talking anyway. This happens to me when I get nervous in meetings. My brain just kinda starts to panic…but somehow I manage to keep on talking…about something….when all I can really think is “I have no idea what I’m talking about”. Does this make me crazy? I think that it was probably put best in that movie Mean Girls…word vomit.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t put my foot in my mouth (At least I don’t think so). That is a whole different phenomenon. I just kinda go into that wishy washy filler speak. I should probably start interacting with people more often, or I’ll forget how.

We have to write these project proposals at work basically for approval and signatures. Every time I have to write one, I get that uneasy feeling like when you had to sit down and do a project in grade school. You would do anything to avoid it. I find myself cleaning my desk, and organizing my papers into nice little folders, cleaning out my “My Documents” folder. Printing out a new copy of the department contact list for my cube wall. Sharpening my pencils. Going to get another cup of coffee. And after every thing…I say, Ok I’m just going to do it now, for real. I’m just going to sit at the computer and type and just get it done, and then it will be over, and I won’t have to worry about it anymore.

Instead I find myself blogging about it